He puts the H O T
December 17, 2003 [10:00 p.m.]
Do you know how much I would love to sit here and say everything was perfect? I would love too, but it would be a lie, and since I don't lie (often) I will not say that, cause things aren't perfect. They may seem it to an outside person looking at me and my life, but me, being on the inside, knows it isn't true. Far from it.
Let's start with the fact that me and Brian are.. fake. Ok not really fake, but I mean, our relationship isn't real. I do care for him alot. Because he's been there for me, through everything. And i'm such a jealous idiot! Honestly! I don't see how he can stand me! And the thing is, I do it too! Like tonight, for instance, I kinda yelled or snapped at him (or whatever you would call it, since we were online) about Samantha. Yep! I said the S word. But she's always a touchy subject! ALWAYS. OK, we're having a Christmas party tomorrow at school, but since I don't celebrate Christmas, me and my brother aren't attending. Anyways, Brian was begging me to come anyways, and I kept saying no, and I told him he'd have fun without me. And he said, "No I'll get in trouble" and I was like, "How?" and he said, "Some people will be making up crap and tell you" and I was like, sarcastically, "Oh yeah! About you touching or flirting with Sam right?" and he was like, "Yep" and I said, "Well the easiest way to get out of that is.. don't do it!" and then we started arguing. He said he loved me and he would never do that to me.. yeah.. ok. I began explaining to him that I knew how Sam was and I knew how he was, and that if Sam was sitting there flirting with him, he was going to flirt back.. and he said he wouldn't cause he loved me to much. I want to believe him, I really really do.. but yeah... I can't really find myself believing it!
I kinda have a spy going out for me tomorrow! Mu ha ha *evil grin* I know, it's kinda wrong of me. I mean, can't I get over it and just trust him? Um... no. I can't, so yep! Got a spy! =)
My other "issue" is that i'm in love with someone else. Isn't this sooo dumb?! Very idiotic of me! I mean, here I am, whining that my boyfriend may be flirting with other girls behind my back.. but yet, I still am in love with someone else! I mean, he should be the one to hate me right? Well easy solution.. he doesn't know, and he is never ever going too, unless it's just plain obvious, which seems like it would be, considering I can't take my eyes of this other guy. I mean honestly.. he gives Hot a whole 'nother meaning. He puts the H O T in Hot.. He is soo fine, that my teeth sweat when i'm around him.. I mean, yeah you get it. But other than that, he's the sweetest more generous, most repectful boy I have ever met! I mean he's awesome. He puts the A W E- ok i'll stop. And the thing that makes it a bit more confusing (if that's possible) is that this boy said he liked me too.. he was one of the ones saying I needed to break up with Brian, cause he treated me wrong.. but he wasn't doing it out of like, "I like you so dump him for me" noo! He isn't like that! Remember.. he put like half the alphabet in those words!
And yet another thing... Julie. OK Julie is this 13 year old girl, who is "in love" with this guy.. (ok it's Thomas! Get a clue!) and she honestly gets sooo mad at me if I even get caught looking at him. OK Thomas has been really sick lately (That stupid flu!) and he was laying on the grass the other day at PE. So I went and sat beside him and we sat there for a few minutes and just talked. It was nice! I mean, we weren't talking about us and liking each other. We were just talking, and it was nice and I liked it alot.
Well Julie didn't! She was like, "Urgh Beth you make me mad!" and she was just like, "You're skinny! He's going to like you" and all this. Well, I've already talked to Thomas about her, and he said he wouldn't ever like her... so, should I stop talking and stuff with him, because it upsets her? Or should I ignore her whines and pretend I don't notice? Yeah, I know what a friend would do, but this is Thomas. And Julie would do the same exact thing if it was turned around. But she won't talk to him! Like I've told Thomas how she feels and how she is, so he knows, and he trys to make an extra effort to talk and be nice with her, but she won't talk! She's soo self-consciense (spelling? forgive me!) and she just sits there and turns beet red and started twisting her hair. Excuse me?! Me and Thomas actually have real conversations!
But the latest issue is the fact that me and Thomas' religions believe the same thing. He doesn't celebrate Christmas- I don't celebrate Christmas.. He doesn't eat pork (or unclean foods)- I don't eat pork (or unclean foods). So she's "jealous" and wants me to explain to her why it's wrong, so she can believe it too, and Thomas like her..
Tonight she kinda got upset because, well Thomas and some other kids (who believe Christmas is wrong) aren't attening the Christmas party tomorrow.. so we were all going to go out to lunch or something.. she got mad.. because it involves me and Thomas being together.
*gasp* What will she do?!
Yeah, there's my confusing, exciting, never boring life! Enjoy!