I still just don't get it!
December 20, 2003 [10:42 a.m.]
Remember my confusion entry before this one? Well guess what? Here's more.
Brian broke up with me Thursday night. I was upset about it, but I was like OK. Brit called me and I didn't get to my phone in time, so I was like Oh well. She called back. She's with Lauren and Julie. She ask me if I've talked to Brian lately. Then I informed her that he had just broken up with me. And she asked if I knew why? I was like.. no. So she was like You're going to be so upset. And I was like Oh My Word. Then Lauren got on the phone to tell me, and she couldn't do it so Brit got back on and told me that Brian was going to ask Lauren out.
Yeah. The same Lauren that five seconds ago was about to tell me! She had the nerve to actually think I was going to give her "my blessings" and be OK with it. YEAH RIGHT MY BUTT!
I was soo upset. I started like laughing. Because for one, Lauren is soo not Brians type. Like at all. I wish I had a picture of her that I could scan on here and show you. Me and her are totally different, and that last two days people have been laughing and making fun of Brian for choosing her over me. They can't believe him. OK, let's face the facts.. I'm 16, i'm pretty (if I do say so myself), i'm skinny (115 5'5), I'm the captain of our volleyball team, I have a car, I'm about to be able to drive people legally in two weeks, i'm older than he is, there's probably ten guys at the school that want to go out with me, and yeah.. Lauren is 14, shes cute, she is bigger than me, shorter than me, she has braces (nothing against braces, i'm just trying to ya know? tell you) she's annoying at times, she's on the volleyball team also- but never mind, we won't go there.
OK I'm not wanting to just sit here and bash Lauren, but I just can't believe Brian. What is he thinking? I mean, something is way odd about it. Everyone is like so confused, just as much as I am. Cause it's weird!
Well when I started crying on the phone with Brit, I hung up on her. And I called Jen, who Brian rides with sometimes to school, and I asked her if she knew anything, and she said she had no idea. So she three-wayed me with her and her boyfriend, Charles, who is Brians best friend. I started crying and I told them the whole story. Jen beeped Brian on his nextel and asked him what the deal was with him and Lauren.. and Brian was like, "Uh what are you talking about??" and Jen was like, "You know what i'm talking about" and he was like, "Look I have to go to bed" so yeah, he wouldn't answer.
He was probably surpised. I think he was wanting to keep it secret. Well not in our school. Everyone knows in our small, population of 65- 30 being teenagers, school.
So I was still way upset. I was like, "I'm going to call him" it was already like almost 12. But I called the cellphone and Brett answered. Oh yeah did I forget to mention that Lauren was Bretts girlfriend?! YEAH! That's right. We're all in a square. And Lauren and Brian are stupid idiots.
Well I asked for Brian and I was crying, and Brett told me he had just went to bed.. and he asked what was wrong. He didn't know. I filled him in on our boyfriends and girlfriends. He was soo pissed! He was so mad.
Lauren called me, I beeped over and she was crying and really upset. Yeah suprise suprise, I did take it harder than she imagined.
I started crying hysterically then and I wouldn't even let her talk and I told her I hated her. I never ever say that! I believe you shouldn't hate anyone, but my feelings for her had stooped that low. I started telling her how she ruined it for her and Brett- that Brett didn't even want to talk to her again. And how it may have ruined our friendship. She couldn't talk, and I hung up on her.
So she kept calling and it was like 1 or 2 in the morning. Finally we talked. She was truly sorry. Julie later informed me that Lauren had thought since me and Brian had been having so many problems lately, and that since I still had been liking Thomas, that I wouldn't mind if her and Brian went out. Well I told her it was wrong, and that I still had feelings for Brian- alot. She kept crying, saying she was stupid and sorry for doing it. She said she wasn't going to tell Brian yes if he asked now.
Well I talked to Brett that next morning and he said Brian said he didn't even want to talk to Lauren. Yeah, makes a whole lot of fricken since! It's so stupid!
But I let Brian know (On Yahoo! messaging) that it was over for sure. I was sick of his crap, and I didn't want to deal with him any more. And it's the truth now. I've gotten hurt by him so many times, and that was the last time.
I'm still upset though. I haven't talked to him since Wednesday night- which by the way he had been telling me how much he loved me. And I do feel like I need to talk to him. I want to hear his voice.
But i'm going to be strong.
Well, last night Matt kept bugging me about who I liked! He was so annoying me, I know he likes me, but all this had just happened with Brian, and I don't know. He made me even more upset. He told me that Brian had been using me the entire time for one thing. And that he never did love me.
Yeah Thanks Matt. Make me feel a ton better.
Well heartbreaks suck.